Chapter Thirteen

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Chapter Thirteen

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Revaramek watched Mirelle approach through slitted eyes. He’d been awake for a little while now, but remained sprawled in the grass, savoring the warm sun. Just as he was contemplating where best to go and hunt his breakfast, the girl came around the wall of trees separating The Cathedral from the rest of the grounds. He watched her long enough to know she was coming towards him, rather than heading to her home. No doubt she meant to startle him awake and yell at him for sleeping on her favorite flowers or some other such horrific crime.

As soon as she drew near, Revaramek jumped to his paws, greeting her in a loud, brassy voice. “Good morning, Subject!”

“ACK!” Mirelle jumped, stumbled back, and fell on her ass.

Revaramek cackled in glee, shifting his weight from side to side. “Oooh, I got you good! That’s what you get for trying to startle a sleeping dragon!”

“I wasn’t going to startle you, you scaly brat!” Mirelle glared at him without rising. “I was going to wake you gently, and apologize for the way I acted last night.”

The dragon arched his neck, canting his head. “Just last night?”

“That was the only time you didn’t deserve it!”

“My balls disagree!” Revaramek snapped his jaws.

Mirelle snatched up a wooden mug. “Your balls and my boot are about to have another argument!”

“That’s not a boot, it’s a mug!” Revaramek yelped and ducked his head when she hurled the mug at his snout. Then when Mirelle leapt back to her feet and stomped towards him, the dragon backed away, glancing around. Where’d he put that soup pot? “Okay, okay, truce! My balls need a day off from negotiations!”

While the dragon looked around, Mirelle snatched his sensitive ear and twisted it. “Listen here, you ego-maniacal monstrosity!”

Revaramek winced, tugging his head back and forth. “It’d be easier to listen if I had two available ears!”

“I said listen!” Mirelle shook his ear, her eyes flashing hazel fire and boring into his own. “This is the second time I’ve attempted to apologize, and the second time you’ve ruined it before I could even get the words out! I’m starting to think there’s no point in even trying. But considering how long you and I may be stuck with each other, I’m willing to give it another go in the interest of making this partnership less unpleasant for the both of us! So if I’m going to let go of your ear now, you’d damn well better listen to me without blurting out the first perverted or insulting thing that comes to mind! Nod your head twice so I know you’re actually listening and not thinking about what’s under my breeches.”

Revaramek nodded twice, his ear burning. The girl released him and clapped a forepaw to the side of his head, wincing. “Those are very sensitive you know!”

“Good, then I guessed right. And now I another way to get back at you when your hind end is out of reach.” She jabbed him on the nose. He hissed and pulled his head back. “Now sit down and listen for a minute.”

“Not if you’re going to kick me again.”

“I should have kicked you already!” She pointed to the ground, grimacing. It looked like she was trying to bare her fangs like a furious female dragon. “But I promise I won’t this time, so long as you behave yourself and listen to me.”

With a growl, Revaramek eased back onto his haunches. In the dearth of a nearby pot of sufficient size, he covered himself with a forepaw just to be safe. “This time?”

Mirelle glanced down at his protective paw, smirking. “I think we both know you’re going to do something to earn yourself another one. You certainly deserved the first two! I even warned you what would happen if you grabbed me, the second time.”

Revaramek licked his muzzle, wings hanging at his sides. “I suppose you did, yes. I shall concede that I deserved the second kick in the testicles, but not the first.”

“You slapped me on the ass!”

“To express my attraction for your form!”

Mirelle curled her fingers in the air as if crushing invisible fruit. “I don’t even know how to start unpacking everything wrong with that statement! But if you slap me on the ass again, I’m going to kick you again, got it?”

“What if I do it gently?”

“No!”

“Will you at least soften the kick if I soften the slap?”

“No!” Mirelle shook both fists at the dragon. “That’s not…by every God whose ever been cursed, how can you be so infuriating?”

“How can you be so easily angered?” Revaramek rustled his wings, stretching one a little to scratch at his neck. “You should drink more. Learn to relax.”

“Why don’t you relax your paw, my boot’s got something to say.” Mirelle cocked her leg.

“You should learn to let your tongue do the talking, cause your boots are terrible at it!”

“This! You! AAARRGHH!” Mirelle stomped a few times and turned away, her body heaving. “You are the worst!”

“The worst what?”

“Everything!” She whirled around again, stomping right up to him. “Do you even care that I came out here to apologize? Does it even matter to you that I actually felt badly about the way I acted last night? That was the only time you didn’t deserve to have me blow up at you, and I did it anyway. I wanted to tell you I was sorry, dragon! And yet here you are, antagonizing me all over again. It’s in your blood, isn’t it! To be an asshole. No one wonder no one wants you around!”

That last part actually hurt, like a blade that scrabbled and slid against his scales until it finally found an opening through which to cut him. His ears drooped and his wings went loop. He looked away, all the fight rushing out of him in a great breath. He stared at the flattened grass around his paws.

“That isn’t nice, Mirelle.”

“What?” Mirelle took a step back, suddenly sounding more confused than angry. “All the yelling we’ve done at each other, and that’s what hits home?”

Revaramek flexed his wings, unable to meet her gaze. His heart sank into his belly, a cold, roiling sea. “You didn’t have to put it that way.”

Mirelle sucked in a great breath, and let it out in a heaving sigh. “No. I didn’t. And…I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not.”

“Yes I am!” Mirelle growled through grit teeth. “Why do you do this to me?”

“Why do you hate me?”

“Because you’re an ass-”

Revaramek glanced up at her when she clamped her jaw shut. He flicked his spines back, sneering. “You see? You’re not sorry because you despise me.”

Mirelle’s whole expression changed, as though the sunlight were melting the cold ice that incased her. “I don’t…like you very much.” She lifted her hand, touched his jawline. Revaramek let her guide his head around until they were nearly eye to eye. “But I don’t have to like to feel bad about making you…er…feel bad.”

A tiny smirk tugged at the dragon’s muzzle. “That didn’t come out as profound as you intended, did it.”

Mirelle’s lips twitched as if she was trying to fight a smile. “No it did not. Look, Dragon.” She cupped the end of his chin in her hand, her touch warm but firm. “You’re an asshole, who as far as I can tell, savors going as far out of his way as he can just to make my blood boil.”

“Your blood seems to boil itself.”

Mirelle held her breath for a moment. “My anger issues notwithstanding, I am going to try once last time to say something difficult. And you are going to sit here and listen. Or else.”

The dragon pulled his head back from her hand, glancing at her feet. “Boot?”

“Boot.”

“Very well.” He ruffled his wings again, then sat up a little higher on his haunches. He arched his neck, head held high, and forelegs straight.  “Say your piece.”

Mirelle took three steps back, and squared her shoulders, staring right into his eyes. “Revaramek the Resplendent.” She paused, and took a breath.

Oooh, she even used his proper name. She must have really meant this.

“I apologize for ruining your evening, and disrupting what was clearly, in hindsight, the most fun you must have had in ages. I was out of line. Furthermore, I also apologize for the things I said just now. They are not…entirely…true.” She cleared her throat, glancing towards The Cathedral. “If it makes you feel any better, Beka and Tavaat enjoyed your company last night and look forward to sharing it again.”

“Arrr?” Revaramek made a happy, questioning noise, lifting his head even higher. When the girl seemed to have said all she wished to say, he smiled at her, spines flared. “Of course they do, I’m wonderful. Your apology is accepted, subject, think nothing of it. Everyone makes mistakes.” He licked his nose. “Even overlords.”

“Oh?” Mirelle folded her arms, quirking a brow. “Go on, then.”

Revaramek cocked his head. What, him? He curled his tail around his paws, hissing. “Oh, very well. I apologize for being an asshole.”

Mirelle waited, staring at him as if she expected more. Finally she snorted and shook her head, her messy black curls swishing. “Apology accepted, Overlord Asshole.”

Revaramek shook his frills, spines clattering. “So long as we understand each other.”

“And so long as you understand that if you don’t curb the attitude…” Mirelle waggled her foot at him. “My boots are going to schedule another meeting with your balls.”

The dragon hissed, spreading his wings. “I’m starting to think your boots are in love with my balls! I assure you, the feeling is not mutual.”

Mirelle smirked at him. “Like you said. As long as we understand each other.” She turned away, and beckoned for him to follow. “Now, come on. Today is the day you make yourself useful.”

Revaramek pushed himself to his paws, and shook his body. “You’re bossy in the morning. Oh, wait. You’re always bossy. But I hunger. I should like to hunt, first. And what was that you said about a partnership, before you got all sappy?”

“Yeah, I’m the one who got sappy.” Mirelle glanced at him over her shoulder, walking across the back gardens. “Come on, Mister Mopey Scales. I’ll get you some food in town so we can get moving. Oh, and the partnership. I have bad news.”

“Let me guess.” Revaramek tossed his head. “This council of yours has decided I have to take orders from the tea kettle.”

“What?” Mirelle stopped long enough to give him a very confused look before she continued around the pine trees. “No, you’re taking orders from me. They made me your truce officer, which means…we’re stuck together.”

Revaramek hissed, rattling his spines. “I thought you said once we got here, someone else-”

“I know what I said!” Mirelle kicked an old mug across the garden. “But the council…it’s just…well, they didn’t exactly…no, nevermind. They just put me in charge of you, alright? Let’s leave it at that, get this all over with, and then we can go our separate ways.”

“Aww, just when we were having so much fun together?” Revaramek laughed, following her to the back of The Cathedral. As she moved to push the doors open for him, he drummed claw tips against the ground. “I thought you were on this…council?”

“I am.” Mirelle waved him forward. “And watch your tail. Tavaat just got everything fixed up.”

Revaramek slipped through the doors, then groaned at the wonderful scents of bacon and sausage and eggs that filled the place. “It smells nice in here. Where is the food you mentioned?”

“In town.” Mirelle walked ahead of him again, gesturing at the tables and chairs. “Don’t knock anything over.”

“Good morning, Revaramek!” Beka greeted him from across the counter.

“Good morning, Subject Beka!”

The dragon turned to greet her, and his tail immediately caught the back of a chair and sent it tumbling through the air. It landed on a table, slid across it and fell into another chair, sending them both skidding across the floor. The clatter in such an enclosed space made his sensitive ears hurt, and the dragon pinned them back.

“What did I just say!” Mirelle shouted from the far doorway.

Revaramek glanced at her, sheepish. “Beka made me do it!”

“Don’t pin this on me, Dragon!”

“You don’t have to worry about being kicked in the hoard!”

“Hoard?” Beka giggled, shaking her head. “That’s a new one.”

“Hardly appropriate!” Mirelle pushed one of the large doors open. “He hasn’t got anything that valuable!”

“I’ve priceless emeralds!”

“I think the word you’re looking for is worthless!” Mirelle pushed the other door open. “Now come on! Beka, could you clean up his mess? I’m in a hurry.”

“Sure thing, Mirelle.” Beka went around the counter and picked up one of the chairs. “Try not to be too hard on him, huh?” Then she glanced at the dragon. “And you, stop antagonizing her so much.”

Revaramek smirked. “But it’s so fun!” He laughed, and tossed his head, only to bang it on one of the decorative crossbeams. “OW!” He grabbed himself around a horn, dull pain thudding through his brain.

“Are you alright?” Beka righted the other chair, then walked over to the dragon.

“Yeah. Just gave myself a headache. Think it’ll pass.” At least he wasn’t hung over. That would have made it worse. He shook his head, blinking. “There’s that feeling again.”

“You’re going to be feeling her boot again if you keep antagonizing her.” Beka set the other chair upright, then patted his scales. “Now go on.”

“I meant the déjà vu.” He winced, rubbed his head, and then padded for the door. “Nevermind. Good bye, Beka.”

Mirelle awaited him on the flagstone lane beyond the doors. “If you’re done trashing my bar, I’d like to get on with this.”

“I haven’t even begun to trash your bar.” He lowered his head, nudged her with his muzzle, and against her loud objections, sniffed at her for a few moments till finally shoved his snout again. “You smell nice today too, as nice as the bar, but different. Like flowers, instead of bacon.”

“Stop sniffing me!” Mirelle shook a finger at him. “And…stop comparing me to bacon.” Revaramek opened his mouth and Mirelle put a hand on his nose and chin, forcing his muzzle closed again just as fast. “And no dirty jokes, either!”

Revaramek jerked his head away, grinning. “Spoilsport. Alright then, get moving. And what was I saying before?”

“When?”

“When what?”

“When were you…”  Mirelle pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Why do you always make that gesture?” Revaramek cocked his head. “Have you got a breathing problem?”

“By the time I’m done with you, I’m going to have a blood pressure problem!” Mirelle stomped on a flagstone. “I don’t even know what you’re asking me.”

“Why, weren’t you listening?”

Mirelle buried her head in her hands, digging her fingers through her hair. “I don’t even-”

“Oh, now I remember. You’re on the council, right?”

“I just told you five minutes ago that I am.” Mirelle lifted her face, sighing.

“Doesn’t that mean you’re in charge? Can’t you just order them to make someone else my...” He swirled his paw in the air. “Truce, something or other?”

“It doesn’t work that way. They voted, and…I’ve already defied one vote.”

“I don’t understand.” The dragon cocked his head. Humans always made things so complicated. “Just order someone else to do it yourself, then.”

“I can’t.” She held up her hand, silencing his next question. “Dragon, I have neither the time nor the infinite patience it would require to explain to you the intricacies of human government. You’re just going to have to deal with being stuck with me like I have to deal with being stuck with you. The sooner we can put a stop to this threat, the-”

“Look, Mirelle! A noisy throng! They must have come to catch a glimpse of their overlord!” Revaramek bound past her, galloping down the flagstone paved lane. He trotted out onto the main, cobbled street, to where a whole crowd of murmuring peasants in dirty smocks had gathered. They scrambled back when the dragon approached, and Revaramek came to a stop. “Greetings, subjects! I am your benevolent overlord, Revaramek the Resplendent.”

 “We know who you are, dragon!”

“You’re that dragon who burned me old gran’s banners!”

“He hates me old gran!”

Oh, not this again. Revaramek flattened his ears, growling. “How many old grans does this town have?”

“You’d be surprised.” Mirelle strode up alongside him, shooing at the crowd. “This dragon now serves the village, under my authority! Kindly move aside. We have places to be.” 

As the muttering yokels moved to either side of the street, Revaramek saw men familiar red and blue tabards beyond them. “Ooh, Mirelle, look, I’m important enough to qualify to have the village guard watch over me. How exciting!” Then a clanking sound drew the dragon’s attention. He turned his head and hissed at the sight of an armor-clad idiot making his way down the street in stiff, halting gestures. “Oh no, it’s the tea kettle. Mirelle, I can’t take him right now.”

“What tea kettle?” Mirelle turned and gazed down the other street, her eyes widening. “Oh. Ooooh. Actually, that’s not bad. And for once, we’re in agreement. Let’s get out of here before he sees me or I’ll be stuck talking with him again.”

Clank. Clank. Clank.

“What ho, Lads! Where has this beast gotten off too now?”

“He’s right there, sir!”

“Stand your ground, dragon!” The knight hollered at a green-painted wagon till one of his men pointed him in the right direction. “I owe you what for, what ho!”

“I am not a garden implement!” Revaramek snarled at him as he inched closer.

Clank! Clank!

“Strum me like an instrument?” The knight stiffened, armor rattling. “Does your perversity know no bounds?”

“Mirelle, if he comes on any closer, I’m putting him back in the ditch.”

“Bumsnoggle!” The knight stomped an armored foot. “How dare you befoul the council woman’s name with such filthy language! Clearly, your scaly mother never gave you a proper swat on the tushie!”

“Tushie?” Revaramek yanked his head back, his claws unsheathing. “That’s it! If I don’t leave right now, I’m going to tear that old bastard apart.”

“Again with the gutter tongue! I do not smell of plaster farts! Lads, let’s thrash this foul beast till he offers to apologize to our besmirched honor!”

“Mirelle, I’m going. Now!” Revaramek spread his wings so they fast they knocked men aside and sent a few plant pots toppling off of windowsills to smash upon the ground. “Promise not to kick me in the balls and I’ll take you with me!”

“I promise!”

“Good! Then I promise not to drop you.”

“Wait…what? NO!”

“Too late, you promised!”

“Don’t you dare!” Mirelle pivoted away, but before she could run, the dragon reared onto his hind legs and snatched her around the middle. “No, no, no, nooooo!”

Revaramek launched himself into the air off his powerful back legs, and beat his wings, hauling Mirelle off her feet. She shrieked and wrapped her arms around his foreleg, kicking her feet beneath him. The downdrafts from his vast, copper-marked wings rattled shutters, and buffeted the sweaty masses beneath him. They stumbled into each other, and soon toppled to the street in a writhing, grumbling wave.

“Look, Mirelle, they’re like dominoes!”

“AAAAAAAAAAH!”

“Yes, you’re right, we should say hello to the tea kettle!”

The dragon dipped a wing and spun around in the sky, wrenching another squeal from the woman. He swooped low over the street and as he shot towards the knight and his men, the guards around him scattered. Just as he reached the knight commander, he beat his wings with everything he had, sending heavy gusts of wind swirling between the buildings. They rocked the armored man back and forth. He waved his arms and shouted nonsense at the dragon as he wobbled and finally pitched over with a tremendous rattling crash.

“And doooown goes the tea kettle!” Revaramek beat his wings, ascending over the village. “Did you see that, Mirelle? We got him!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”

Revaramek cackled.